Omg

I was in the car all day barely burned any calories I hate myself I was forced to eat fast food all day ugh wtf I feel like a total fat ass oh wait I am like fuck me I need to have more will power

OH MY GOODNESS

 I found a scale!!!!!! guess how much I weigh?!?! I weigh 144!!!!!! I couldn't be happier! aha it pays off I'll prove everyone wrong!

okay, so, basically I'm trying to eat as little as possible I know I can't really go without food so I have to eat but barely. and I had a thought today, how many calories are in lip gloss? and how many are in toothpaste? I'm actually worried about this looks like no lip gloss for me, I kind of need to brush my teeth so I can't go with out it. plus all of the calories I eat in on day I'll burn that off and then triple that. if you do get hungry try sugar free gum, warm water, or green tea (one cal). if you feel like giving up remember why you started, you need to be beautiful, thin is beautiful. you are not.

lol my poems suck but deal with it

there's me and there's you.
no one can imagine us as us.
we wished they knew.
if they did,
everything would turn blue.

more poems

she cry's
she's sad
she wishes she was someone else
she's never felt loved
she thinks she's unlovable
she hurts herself
she met someone
she thinks he loves her
she's in love with him
she's glad he proved her wrong
she is finally happy.

k spamming you guys with poems i wrote lol

I miss you
I miss you
I really do
do you miss me like I miss you?
I truly don't think you do

a cute lil' poem i wrote

hug me
kiss me
love me
miss me
marry me
cause baby you're all I need.

I'm a liar because I won't tell you everything.
I'm stupid because sometimes I'm wrong.
I'm ugly because my face isn't perfect.
I'm a pushover because I like making people happy.
I'm a loser cause I'm not friends with your group.
I'm fake because I'm too nice.
I'm weird because I'm not like you.
I'm clingy because I don't like being alone.
I'm insecure because I care what others think.

don't try to tell me who I am.
I already know.

poem :P

when I can't sleep at night-

I stare at the empty side of my bad,

 and wonder about the things

I would tell you,

if you were laying next to me.

when I go back to school I want people to notice how thin I've gotten. I want people to notice me for once. I want to look and feel pretty. but most of all I want people to be shocked on how much I've changed. I refuse to be labelled as a stoner or that girl who will go and make out with anyone or the slut or the girl with anger issues or the biggest stoners best friend, I'm scared for high school honestly a lot of people don't like me. I probably should have hung out with people my age and not go sesh in the forest with grade 11s and 12s. I'm considered one of the kids in a "bad crowed" the kind of people you try to stay away from. honestly it's because I'm not afraid if you talk shit I will go up to you and punch you in the face, this year i got suspended because I threw a punch at some kid who called me fat and because I pushed some guy into his locker bc he was talking shit and I went to a dance and  punched this girl in the face and she threw me to the ground and started punching me and kicking me some guys picked me up off the ground I just laughed about it and walked away even though I was really fucking hurt plus I lied to the cops about what happened. I've had a shitty past and I can't deal with it well, I mean my so called "dad" beat the shit out of me all the time, my step bro friends would try to sleep with me and some tried raping me. my step mom tried to make me loose weight she smacked me around every once and while I couldn't fight back bc if I  did she'd get my dad and i'd get an ass whooping. I mean everyone knew what was going on my friends, the school,m y therapist, the church, and my best friends parents. no one really gave a damn about me so I started  not to give a damn about myself. that's when things got worse, i remember my dad would yell at me and I would pinch my skin till he was done yelling, it was just a relief, at that point I felt like it was my fault and that everything that was happening to me was okay. I started burning myself at first, not badly. then it escalated to cutting and I have scars but I try to hide them I get new ones a lot, my mom notices but she doesn't care so I don't bother wearing my bracelets anymore. and I tried killing myself when my step brother had walked into my room and we sat there and talk for hours and I cried and he just held me and listened to what I had to say. I still cut that's the only way know how to deal with things. I just feel so fucked up. and clearly Ana has taken over my life. I don't know what to do..

I want

I want a flat stomach
I want a thigh gap
I want my collar bones to stick out
I want people to tell me I'm skinny
I want to be graceful
I want to be confident
I want my ribs to show
I want to hip bones to tick out
I want to be weightless
I want to be able to wear what I want
I want to be pretty
I want people to stare at me

Empty is good.

the truth

another thing why self

harming isn't much

acknowledged is the fact

that everyone

immediately checks a

person's wrist but never

anywhere else. if people

who self harm only could

cut on their wrist then it

would be ovbous but

that's not the case.

people who self harm can

cut wherever they want to.

on their stomach thighs or

their hips.

you see people who

self harm don't do it for

attention. ever.

people who self harm

haver their own reasons that

most would rather not

say. for those who say its

for attention then how come

we try our best to hide

it? t

someone fucking kill me now

I can't take my family at all. their so fucking annoying! I need a cigarette or get high because I'm gonna lose it. I'm seriously so annoyed with all of them. I'm trying so fucking hard not to cut right now. plus on top of all this my boyfriends trying to make me get rid of my blog, I don't know what to do. I mean I really love him but I really don't wanna get rid want to get rid of this. He's been so caring and understanding of me and all my fucking problems, I really hope he doesn't give up on me because he's the love of my life and I could marry him this second, I hope he feels the same way. I don't know if I should get rid of the blog because it really upsets him, I just wish he would stop looking at it! he'll probably read this too...ugh

when I look at you I see this perfect person then there's me, this weird crazy girl with all these problems and I don't see why or how you chose me but please. just stay.

i hate myself

guess what I was forced to eat today??!! a piece of pizza and a burger from a fast food place.
I feel disgusting, I didn't even have time today to burn off the calories! I feel like I've failed at being thin, sometimes I think I should give up but I don't I remember why I started. I've lost six pounds hopefully I can get to my goal weight and that's 120 and once im 120 I'll drop down to 100. we'll see what happens from there but it's tough.

                                                                                      
    -peace and love, Ashley.


  p.s. stay strong you guys can do it.

MY realationship with Ana

I've seen this girl name Ana

she's pretty thin and tall

she has the smallest frame I've ever seen

and not one single flaw

 

I know this girl named Ana

she's so perfect and it's true

I'm so fat compared to her

but she'll make me skinny too

 

I'm friends with this girl named Ana

I've started eating less

hating the person in the mirror

my life's becoming a mess

 

my best friend is this girl named Ana

I want her to always stay

all my other friend have left

but she will not stray

 

 

the only one I listen to is Ana

she's so smart and full of advice

I'm starting to get smaller

my health is the only sacrifice

 

I'm scared of this girl  named Ana

I can't get her out of my head

it finally occurred to me

she wants me dead

 

I hate this girl named Ana

she makes my life a living hell

someone please hear my silent screams

cause she won't let me tell

 

my worst enemy is this girl named Ana

she's a demon in my head

she seems so very nice at first

but I was so mislead

 

I'm prisoner to this girl named Ana

I'm captive to her will

I can't help but to do what she says

how can I still be so fat

 

if i can do it so can you

got to weigh myself today, actually so happy sticking to no carbs and lots of water really works and of course eating as little as possible. I dropped to 153 today! happiest I've been in a long time looks like its time for a run to celebrate it! keep to your diets because they work! remember thin is pretty, you are not.

to see

to see my collar bones
to see a size 0
to see my toes
to see my cheek bones
to see a low number on the scale
to see myself as anything but fat
is that too much to ask?

im a hypocrite.

I tell my friends they have to eat when I don't.
I tell them they shouldn't listen to what others say but I do.
I tell them they shouldn't cut when I do.
I tell them life's worth living when I've tried to kill myself.
I tell them to be happy when I'm battling depression.
I tell them not to be anxious when I have anxiety attacks everyday.
I tell them I'll never leave when I know I'm going to...

EAT LESS.WEIGH LESS.FAIL LESS.FEEL LESS.

how to burn 1,000 calories

do this 3 times a day and you'll be super thin

100 jumping jacks
100 crunches
100 squats
25 push ups

100 jumping jacks
100 crunches
100squats
25 push ups

100 jumping jacks
100 crunches
25 push ups

100 jumping jacks
25 push ups

fat burning foods!! yay!

grapefruit, watermelon, berries, eggs, fish, oatmeal, celery, Greek yogurt, cucumbers, and hot peppers. once again be careful with this and only eat very small amounts.

foods that speed up your metabolism

 grapefruit, cinnamon, green tea, celery, ginger, broccoli, garlic, avocado, hot peppers, berries, yogurt, almonds, coffee, curry, jalapenos, turkey, apples, spinach, beans, soymilk, oatmeal, eat in small amounts you don't want to gain calories you cant burn

food challange, try this see how much weight you loose!!

my everyday food wise;
wake up: 5 crackers (65 cal) and a glass of water
luch: tea (1 cal)
dinner: 3 bites, two bites, one bite.
           (choose wisely)
night if hungry: tea (1 cal)

poem (not mine, thought it was pretty)

she writes a list
along her fragile wrist
of all the things she hates about herself,
and of others that hater her.

he sees her ever-growing list
and kisses them,
one by one
"this list does not define you"
he whispers,
twisting a strand of her hair
in his lovely fingers

she could not bring herself
to believe all this,
for who would love
a monster such as herself?

"we all have monsters inside us, darling"
he said,
pulling up his sleeve
revealing his own list.

you will get FAT if you eat today

you don't need food. fat people aren't welcome everywhere. men would be able to life you like a feather. you will be able to run faster without the extra weight slowing you down. people will remember you as the skinny, beautiful girl. if someone is going to describe you they'll say: oh, she's that really thin girl. men would like to get to know you, not turn their back and walk away. starving yourself is an example of extremely high self control. you'll be able to see beautiful bones. bone ARE real, fat is something you add to your body, NOT something you're born with. if you gain just a little bit more weight you will look like a pig . models are the image of perfection and I bet you haven't met a fat model! too many people are obese. people who eat are selfish. only fat people get turned on by fat people. do you want pigs to like you, because you're one of them? everyone has inner beauty, only the strong ones can achieve beauty on the outside. you'll be able to move as gracefully as a spider. only thin people are graceful. if you hit a fat person you can see their body fat move, you will not be like that. do you want people to say: hey, move away, you're crushing me, I can't breath or do you want them to say: wow, you weigh nothing, you're so light. underweight means a body like a ballerina. you wanna be able to be lifted by a balloon into the sky. you wanna be able to walk in the snow with out leaving foot prints. you can solve any of your problems by being thin. saying "no thanks" to food is saying yes to being thin. people only notice a fat person when they're standing in the way of a skinny one. have you ever met someone who didn't notice a living skeleton? is food more important then being happy? when you feel dizzy, weak, and tired you ARE almost there. starvation is you're friend and it wont cheat you like food will. can you mention one good reason for being fat? I can think of 2 million reasons why its better to be thin!! thin people look good in any outfit. nothing is worth being fat. do not eat simply write three letters on your hand "DNE" it stands for do not eat. don't it.

some tips and tricks :*

cut your food into really small pieces so it looks like you ate more and whatever you eat move around your plate, try not to eat carbs, smear food in your hair if you have to put food in your pockets try not to eat at all if its possible remember youre not beautiful till youre skinny bc skinny is beautiful

the skinny jeans! the mini skirts! the crop tops! the short shorts! the bikinis! the stares! the satisfaction! the confidence!

excuses

excuses for not eating:1.i already ate 2.im not hungry 3.i ate before I came 4.i don't feel well 5.my stomach hurts 6.i snacked a lot today im not hungry right now. excuses for wearing a sweater to hide cuts: 1.im cold 2.i think im getting sick that's why im cold 3.im comfty 4.you could wear bracelets( ive done it for years it works)

do it for the thigh gap

nothing tastes better then skinny feels

the fifteen commandments of anorexia

1.thou shall not eat breakfast or lunch.....2.thou shall eat dinner only with family....3.thou shall burn the calories to be consumed of the day in advanced plus extra....4.thou shall not snack no matter what!!...5.thou shall only reach for sugar free gum when feeling faint...6.thou shall not eat or consume fast food but only when forced to eat...7.thou shall only think of food as a pile of shit put upon a plate...8.thou shall only eat slowly and not finish when forced to eat...9.thou shall stand in front of a mirror and circle the fat on you with a marker...10.thou shall not turn down an invitation to exercise never be lazy...11.thou shall make it look as if you have eaten-crush up cracker crumbs and put them on a plate-leave fruit peels on a plate...12.thou shall have daily thinsperation to keep up ana...13.thou shall not accept food from friends or others...14.thou shall keep their condition secret -keeps hair in good condition-wear baggy clothes-and never speak about it...15.LOOSE WEIGHT FAST!!

hey guys!! im Ashley im currently 156 I wont know my weight right now because im not allowed a scale i'll keep you updated when I can and give you tip on tricks about ana.